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Dive In

June 24, 2010

I often stand in the way of myself. My internal fears begin to maliciously murmur, rolling and shifting behind my rib cage and in the pit of my stomach until the fear of failure makes me too scared to start. I suppose this is the vice of every creative. Surely the last time something went over well was the last time you’ll ever do anything great. Surely this time, you’ll fail.

But it’s like a backyard swimming pool during the long days of summer. Undisturbed for most of the day, it sits still, ripple-less, a beacon of everything you want. And in the afternoon, dipping your feet in won’t provide any relief. Sitting in a float to skim the surface will only make you feel more oppressed. The top foot of water in the pool is as stifling as the day was. Immersing yourself in the blue unknown–that’s the only thing that helps. Slowly sink deeper, and you’ll feel the shift in water temperature. Past the top layer of water, the heat will break, and in the coolness your soul will sigh. You can float there, the outside world silenced, bob up and down in the divide where the water shifts from warm to cool to warm. The deeper you go, the more relief you’ll feel.

I just need to dive in.

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